Premarital Counseling
Premarital counseling is an intentional process to prepare both partners to be as successful as possible in their marriage. What is interesting to note, is that this is entitled Pre-"Marital" and not "Pre-Wedding." Many couples aim to complete the process before the wedding day, which is a fine goal. However, whereas almost every other process or task during engagement is about the wedding day (i.e. the dress, the flowers, photographer, etc.), premarital counseling looks at the marriage that will begin after the wedding ceremony and continue forward from there. From that perspective, premarital counseling assists the couple with orienting their relationship towards what research and practice show to be healthy approaches to instilling availability, responsiveness, and engagement into the marriage.
The premarital counseling process includes the use of the Prepare/Enrich assessment and feedback, as well integrating a wide array of research from the field of adult attachment and predictors of relational success. More than 5,000,000 couples have prepared for marriage or enriched their relationship through taking the Prepare/Enrich assessment and working with a Certified Facilitator. Since Prepare/Enrich was last updated, additional research has come forward to help shine a light on what works, and what doesn't. Our approach entails integrating the wealth of knowledge from various researchers and models to help you respond to your growing edges and further solidify the foundation of your marriage. Those couples looking to go even further can complete a few sessions of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, learning to starting identifying and tracking their own, specific cycles of interaction as they are being developed in the early stages of the relationship.
What can we expect in Premarital Counseling?
Premarital counseling differs from "couples counseling" insofar as the approach is more psychoeducational. The couple is learning about areas of natural connection and areas of disagreement, as well as the tools needed to maintain and even increase connection as the relationship begins to include increased vulnerability and sharing. There is no assigned "homework" but the Prepare/Enrich assessment includes a workbook for participants that you can use to select specific exercises to target areas of misattunement or difference.
What are premarital counseling sessions like?
Be prepared to extend your framework beyond preparing for the wedding date, and be willing to adopt a position of curiosity about yourself, your partner, and your growing relationship. The Prepare/Enrich assessment will give you tangible data that creates natural talking points. Your counselor will also include related skills, information, and conversations seeking to deepen your knowledge of yourself, your partner, and your upcoming marriage.
What is the frequency of sessions, and for how long?
Premarital counseling sessions typically meet once every two weeks, given the couple adequate time between sessions to continue the conversations between meeting times. Premarital couples typically meet 7-10 times, depending on how much each couple wants to invest in their upcoming marriage. No matter your length of time invested, the research is clear: those that intentionally prepare for their marriages are more successful in establishing and maintaining that marriage!
Will you see us individually too? What if my partner won't come?
Premarital counseling is best completed together, as a couple. Accordingly, no individual sessions are needed for each partner. If one's partner refuses to attend, then that unwillingness to accept one's partner's influence and intentionally invest in the relationship may be worth exploring as soon as possible during the engagement period. This may be a barrier better served by couples counseling first, and then completing premarital counseling afterwards as needed.
Do you offer online Premarital Counseling via telehealth?
Yes, we are happy to connect with you online. We do recommend, where possible, at least beginning the process in person before switching to an online only format. But, if circumstances prevent that, completing all of your premarital counseling sessions online is completely acceptable as well, and also just as effective.
Why do you work with couples?
I (Alex) deeply enjoy and feel called to working with couples. In my own marriage: I want to feel close to my partner; my partner matters to me; disconnection from my partner is unsettling; secure connection with my partner makes me a better person, parent, worker, etc. I also view the marital relationship to be one of the only ways we get to "participate" in redemption. Just as Christ did for us what we could not do for ourselves, in our marriages, we get to do for our partners what should have and could have been done for them the first time (in their childhood, adolescence, and prior relationships). This gift is transformative, powerful, and long-lasting...and we are positioned as the only ones who can offer this singular and unique gift by being joined in loving relationship with our partner.
Do you offer events, retreats, or seminars for couples?
Yes! View our events page here.